Democratizing emotional education for all

“Why are you so lazy and not finishing your homework?” “You fell down again? Why are you so careless?” “ Why did you misspell the word again? Why don’t you put in more effort?” Are these phrases familiar? Do parents say similar things when children make mistakes or behave poorly? When you say these words, how will your children react?

Raymond Yang and Matthew Kwok, graduates from Politics and Administration and Law respectively, did not enter their politics or law after graduating. Instead, they joined Teach for Hong Kong and became Fellows who taught in a primary school. While teaching last year, they found that students often had conflicts because they couldn’t express themselves. Teachers hence were often overwhelmed by these conflicts.

This was because mainstream education in Hong Kong did not account for emotional education. In order to help their students express their needs more appropriately, and help teachers easily intervene and handle conflicts, the two collaborated with Joseph Jror-Serk Cheng, a Taiwanese psychiatrist, to design Just Feel, a set of emotional cards and a 4-step communication technique to help people learn to communicate compassionately and express themselves more effectively. Combining the clinical experience of Cheng and teacher experiences of Raymond and Matthew, they selected students’ common feelings and needs to design 60 Feelings and Need cards to help primary students to express their emotions.

Last year, two 6th graders fought over a pack of snacks, and were close to ending their friendship. Raymond and Matthew used Just Feel cards to coach them. The student first selected the card that described their moods and needs.

One said “I felt sad as he took my snack without asking. I needed respect and sense of security”

The other said “ I felt nervous because I feared that he would not be friends with me anymore, I needed friendship. In the future, I will ask if he can share with me.”

With the help of the cards, both students were able to calmly express their emotions and the reasons behind it, as well as expectations for each other. They both agreed that taking other people’s stuff without asking will make others unhappy and realized that both of them value their friendship, hoping that their friendship will be affected by such a small incident, till this day, the two are still best friends.

“The cards made communicating more straightforward because less words needed to be said.” said the 6th grader.  Matthew explained that all emotions and needs are abstract, as primary students only have basic understanding of emotions. It is difficult for the students to describe their inner feelings in an organized manner. Through the use and help of these cards, and guidance from adults, students can express more accurately.

Ideas require a space for practice

“An earlier research by HKFYG found that 40% to 60% of Hong Kong teachers believed that schools lacked emotional education and needed additional support,” said Raymond and Matthew. They are grateful for the support from the principal and teachers of St Bonaventure Catholic Primary School, the schools they were placed at during the Fellowship. Without their support, collaborative practice, and discussion, Raymond and Matthew’s theories and knowledge would remain merely abstract theories, and they wouldn’t be as successful as they are now.

”The director of student affairs has mentioned his experience in counseling and that it was more difficult to apply to children. But compassionate communication provides clearer protocols which empower most teachers and students to follow,” Raymond and Matthew shared.

Some teachers tried to coach not only students but also family members after learning about compassionate communication and using the Just Feel cards in the hope to improve parent-child relationships. The teachers said the elders were embarrassed at first because traditional Chinese rarely opens up about their private and sensitive emotions to others. But after one successful trial, they slowly adapt and become more familiar with this communication method.

Raymond pointed out that emotions are messages that tell us our needs. Negative emotions are not always bad, and positive emotions are not always good. Like the movie “Inside Out”, only smiles alone do not solve all problems. Occasionally showing weakness and sadness may help you be better understood by others.

“I am not gonna say that this will work in all situations, but I hope everyone knows that there are other ways to accurately resolve students and resolve conflicts other than beating, punishing and scolding,” Raymond concluded

This article is originally published in HK01. The excerpt above is an English abstract of the original Chinese article. Please click here for the original article.